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A Deal
I thought I heard a voice. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
I get up with a start. I look around me, but none of the purple shadows are looking at me.
「You.....name.....?」
It sounded closer.
Where is it?
「Here」
I heard the sound right behind me. I turn around in a hurry. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
There was a handsome man with black hair standing there. His face looks neither Asian nor Western and as for his clothes, he’s wearing a loose, white piece of cloth wrapping around his body. That thing, those ancient Romans used to wear. Apparently, he came from that pitch-black world.
「You, who are you?」
I managed to ask despite being flustered, at the excitement I had been waiting for.
But, this man ignores my question and asks me a bunch of questions instead.
「Why, why do you still have your memories? Also, why are you not trying to be reborn?」
It took a moment for me to come to understand what he was talking about.
But once I had gathered my thoughts, I replied in a slightly aggressive tone.
「Who knows how I could still have my memories? And as I thought, you will be reincarnated if you jump from there. But y’see, I don’t want to start my life over again」
I flat-out said it.
I also added a question while I’m at it.
「Are you, a God?」
If so, then I’m lucky. This will help me stave off my boredom and I can complain about my situation. And as a result, even if this ‘soul’ is shattered into pieces, I couldn’t care less.
「Something like that. If that is how you think, then it is so」
It was an irritating answer. Explain it clearly if my words can get through to you.
「So, what brings you here? Don’t tell me, you’re going to force me to jump from here? 」
I thought ‘Darn it’ soon after I said it. Thinking about it carefully, I realize that the man in front of me is the only person I can communicate with in this place. In this space with no stimulation, I was about to go crazy. Like, even if I were presented with an unhappy life, wouldn’t it be better if we get along here?
But.....
「That is half correct. I am going to ask you to jump down from here」
Having told me to do my biggest fear, my body stiffened.
「N,no! I’m not going to be born again! There’s no way I’m going to life a shitty life again!」
「Hou?」
The man’s handsome face distorted, and a ghastly smile appeared on his face.
「Indeed…..so you came here after experiencing something terrible」
He thought it was a personal affair. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
「You might think it was a laughing matter, but it was not so to me. It was truly a terrible life. If you’re a God, then answer me. Why did I have to experience something like that? It was one hardship after another, and I died in a traffic accident in the end. There was hardly anything good about my life」
But, the man showed no sign of being intimidated at all.
「That makes me troubled even if you said that. I said I am ‘something like’ God but.....it is not because of me that your life turned out the way it does. Besides, it might be a joyful thing to be reborn as a human, right?」
「What?」
「You should look closely」
At the place the man pointed at was the usual group of purple shadows was flowing.
「Not only humans, all plants and animals, and even microbes....they all are born and die. They are born in all sorts of shapes, all sorts of worlds, and their souls go through a cycle to return here again. This cycle.....the accumulation of what the souls have experienced in their world became the driving force that gives birth to a new world.....」
I don’t really understand what he’s talking about.
The man turned around to look at me.
「For example, let us say that you might become that rice grain earlier. If so, you might have been consumed as food shortly after being born and even before sprouting. And that small grain….a water flea. Will be scooped up by the gills of a small fish, and your life is over. Repeating such innumerable life experiences is actually common」
I see. I understand. Certainly, as soon as you’re born you will immediately get caught up in all sorts of things and you don’t understand what’s going on since before you realize it, you’re already dead….if you think about this cycle repeating itself tens of thousands of times, I guess you could say that it’s a blessing that I was born and died as a human and still holding my consciousness and knowledge, huh?
But, that is not something I can accept.
「Now I understand it wellー. To sum it up, it is not restricted to human as life itself is a complete shit. I’ve finally died. So I decided I will stay here like this. I definitely don’t want to suffer any more pain. Besides, it’d be unbearable to be reborn as a water flea or euglena」
So I declared, but the man, on the other hand, just scornfully laughed at me.
「Are you sure about that? But there is no stimulation or excitement in this place, you know? Later, do you think that your mind will remain the same?」
It makes me worry when you say it like that. Until just now, I was about to lose my sanity due to the sheer lack of stimulation.
Humans can not endure complete numbness. I read it in a book somewhere about a psychological experiment that involves a person sleeping in a space with nothing in it. Something is then wrapped around the person’s arms to block any stimulation to their skin, and they wear a helmet to block out sound and light. And then, they ask, ‘Now then, how many hours can you last like this?’.
There were a lot of applicants who challenged it, lured by the large sum of money but in the end, most of them couldn’t even last for 3 days. There are those who forced themselves to continue but they gradually collapse along the way. They say those people began singing, seeing hallucinations.....and in the end, some even lost the ability to walk. Sensory deprivation and isolation studies
There is hardly any stimulation in this space. Certainly, my mind might collapse first. However, wouldn’t that be fine in its own way? That is to say, I would be able to face death in its truest meaning.
「It’s fine if it broke. If anything, I’d rather die with the opportunity」
「That will still be fine if you can endure it until then. Instead, that is the one thing you should be worried about」
The man pointed to the windows. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
「If you are alone again, will you one day jump off from there, unable to endure it?」
I was at a loss for words.
Right now, I don’t think I’m going to reincarnate, no matter how painful it is. It is best if I can go mad in this place, at this rate. But I wonder about that. I wonder if there is a possibility that I would fall off here after I lost my mind by some chance?
「Then, you will stop me from falling」
「That is not my duty」
An immediate refusal. Well, that’s obvious.
「So, what did you come here for?」
Whether I like it or not, if there is the other option, then that’s what I’ll have to do. I might just fall from here if I were left alone here. In that case, there is no need to bother calling out to me.
「……I was thinking of making a deal with you」
「A deal?」
I leaned forward.
「That’s right......you said earlier that you definitely don’t want to have a repeat of an unhappy life, right?」
「Yeah」
「Then.....it is worth trying if it is a happy life. That’s what you’re thinking, right?」
「Theoretically, yes, but it’s impossible, isn’t it? What’s so happy about if I become a water flea?」
「That, that is what I am talking about」
The man’s face turned serious, his tone lowered, and he began speaking to me.
「How about being reborn as a human again, next?」
「That doesn’t sound attractive to me 」
「Do you really think so? A wonderful family, friends, or lover…..a job you found satisfaction in, or the joy of traveling in a new land….food melts in your tongue, or a warm bed. No matter which one of them, I think they are far more wonderful experiences, far better than being here, right」
「The problem with that is, whether those can be realized, right?」
Being born as a human, most of us lead a worthless life, you know. But maybe God doesn’t understand that.
「Yes, you can. That is, if you are born with favorable conditions」
「You think I’m going to get tricked with that? I understand that. I have nothing. Even if you just slightly adjust the conditions, I would still end up leading a miserable life. Also, let’s say that maybe I get reincarnated, wouldn’t all my memories disappear as well if I jump off from there?」
The man smiled again when I pointed that out. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
「That’s right. Usually, memories, forms, and everything will disappear. And also, even if you jump to a world somewhere…..unfortunately, I can not even mark you as ‘you’. At best, your memories can stay, or you can be reborn in a human form but.....anything beyond that cannot be done. So, I cannot help you to..say, born in a royal or noble family or growing up to be a handsome man from the start」
See, I told you so. He confessed himself.
「But.....even if I cannot do anything, it might be possible for you」
What? What did he just say?
「You might not be aware, but your current state is what we call 『World’s Fragment』」
「World’s.....Fragment?」
「If you wish for something strongly, one of your wishes might come true. That much soul power is concentrated inside you」
Soul power?
Is that it? Is it because I went around crushing all the other purple shadows? Or is it because I am able to retain my consciousness and memories in this place?
「I, am monitoring this realm to the best of my ability whenever possible. And then, I found out about you by chance」
「What for?」
「That’s why I told you, to make a deal」
The man didn’t answer and instead, this time he pressed toward me with a serious expression.
「Let me tell you again, you will not get this chance again, you know. I will withdraw from here if you refuse. And we will never meet again」
Although it’s for the sake of negotiation, he put pressure on me. If I refuse him, I will either go mad in this space or fall into another world in search of stimulation.
「You will jump down from the window I designated. In exchange for that, I will help you be reborn into an existence equivalent to a human and let you maintain your memories」
「But......what does that mean for me?」
「Listen to my explanation to the end. There is a power to become the 『World’s Fragment』 inside you. With your memories and human body, you should also be able to exercise that power」
「That, what is this Fragment of the World you are talking about?」
「Right, to explain it so you will understand, it is some sort of a psychic ability」
I see.
I don’t really understand it well, but I guess I could be reborn as a human with some kind of psychic ability. If I could do that, then indeed, I would be in a much more advantageous position than a normal human. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
「Your memories and body shape.....it is in human form, but it is not completely maintained. In the first place, human’s memories are something that will start to fade over time even if you leave them alone. Even so, it is an advantage just being able to maintain your ego in this space. Later, it should be enough if I just add a bit more force. The problem is.....」
The man continues speaking, assuming that I’m going to accept the deal.
「It is the physical body. There is nothing that can be done about this. I shall let you reincarnate into something that has a close resemblance to humans. You need to fully stay conscious and not lose yourself. If you don’t, then it is not strange to turn into a monkey. If things go well, you could become a person who looks like you」
「I’m not too attached to my appearance, though」
「Even so, everything will collapse in the blink of an eye when you make light of the image. That is how dangerous a reincarnation is」
I more or less understood our talk.
However, what’s important is the next part.
「I think that is also important, but the main point is what happens after that, right? What kind of psychic ability will I get? Also, where do you plan on reincarnating me?」
「Aah, I’m sorry」
The man’s expression relaxed.
「You will possess an ability, but I can not predict what that is. If I had to say it, it depends on how strong you wish for it……what was your wish when you were alive? Try saying it」
A wish I previously had, huh?
There were all sorts of things.
First, when I was a kid, I was always scared of household violence. Following my parents’ divorce, I spent every day just feeling lonely and miserable. I thought, ‘If only there was someone, anyone in this world who could be by my side’.
But I soon realized. That it was impossible.
There are several reasons. For example, when I was looking for a girlfriend or a wife.....just look at my family. We only have debts, and there was also someone who became a criminal. Why would someone be interested in dating me when I obviously had those bad conditions surrounding me? No one would want to step on an obvious landmine.
It’s not just about my family. My relationships with my friends were pretty much worthless as I could only build a shallow friendship so in the end, we part ways after a quarrel or they end naturally.
In short, I continued to wish for a 「connection」 but, in reality, I just ended up even more unhappy. Perhaps it might have gone better if I just acted more selfishly rather than acting with a strong sense of duty each time. At the time when both of my parents - who had sacrificed so much for me - parted ways, I somehow tried to support them the best I could, perhaps out of an insignificant sense of pride. Even though deep inside, I already felt despair. In reality, I didn’t get any reward in the end.
What I needed was the power to 「Cut」. But what I got in the end was my life being cut off first.1
Why did I try so hard? I thought of to 「Add」 somehow. When I looked around, I saw people doing better than me. I was envious of them. If only I could graft their happy life and time onto my unhappy life, that would be wonderful. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
「……to cut……」
It seems like I’ve been too absorbed in his question, and I became lost in thought. And, I inadvertently said out loud what I had been thinking.
「Hmm?」
「I want to.....to cut. I want to cut off everything, all that entangles me and obstructs my freedom」
「Hou」
「I have, always suffered from the things that I lack. So, I don’t want to be on the side of losing anymore. I’m going to be on the snatching side」
「Isn’t that fine」
The man lightly nodded while smirking.
「If that is your genuine feeling, I am sure you would probably be able to get that power」
「You are sure? Aren’t you supposed to do something about it?」
「I would like to do it if I could, but it is impossible. You have awakened the power as 『World’s Fragment』....this is not the domain of any god of any world」
Huh?
Certainly....……I thought as I looked around the countless windows lined up in this space.....what if each and every window here connected to different worlds? It might be difficult for an existence that is merely a god of a world somewhere among these worlds to control what is happening in a place outside their domain.
「So, you don’t know what kind of ability that might awaken?」
「In fact, not only do I not know in what form or when it will awaken, I do not know whether any ability will awaken in the first place」
What the. Isn’t that a disadvantageous bet for me?
But, the man added, I guess he read my mind.
「Nevertheless, there should be a high probability of you awakening an ability.....it’s not enough to recreate the world itself, but it seems to possess something that allows it to manipulate a part of it freely. So there should be no need to be discouraged」
After saying that much, the man gave me another intense look. There’s a strangely intimidating air about it. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
「So, I guess it is about time. You need to decide now. Whether you are going to do as I told you or not」
「Wait. Before that, I hadn’t heard about what you want me to do yet, y’know?」
The man answered without a change in his expression when I pointed that out.
「I already explained it to you. Jump out of the window I designated. That is all. If I were to add anything other than that.....I want you to live however you wish with the ability you obtained. That is about it」
「……that’s all?」
「That’s all」
How would something like that be of any benefit to this man?
「I can’t see your purpose in doing this. What kind of significance does this action have?」
「I cannot explain that. And I have no intention to. However, my agreement with you lasts until you jump off from here. I also cannot guarantee what will happen after you are reborn. Conversely, I do not want to restrict you, nor can I do so. So, the deal we made will not have a direct effect on you after you are reborn」
「And you want me to believe that?」
「That is right. That is all I can say. Only, know that we normally cannot weave lies into agreements we have made. Especially not in a place like this. The existence of ‘God’ you speak of.....is different from humans」
「Hmmm……」
I don’t really understand it, but he said I hold something called ‘World’s Fragment’ or something, and I wonder if there is a benefit for me to just be reborn to his designated world?
「I don’t really understand it」
「You will not be at a disadvantage even if you do not understand, yes?」
「I guess you’re right」
Indeed. I should know everything I need to know right now.
「Fine then……I’ll do it. Which window?」
Going mad in this place is fine. Everything will really be over in that case. But let’s think about it carefully. Let’s say I experienced life once again and then died. If that happens, I will just return to this place, right? If at that time I still have my memories, then I will continue to stay in this place, but if not, then I will have already forgotten about everything.....in other words, I would have died mentally, just as I wished. After that, I would just become an euglena in a world somewhere.
The man nodded at my defiance.
「Allow me to thank you for your decision. And I pray that the world you are going to after this will be better than the last. .....now then, the world you have to go to, is that window」
I really have no idea how to differentiate them. The windows are lined up and are in similar shapes, but the man pointed at a certain window without hesitation.
「Is that okay?」
「Yes」
I slowly walked to that window, even though there was nothing else to do. As expected, I’m feeling scared, though I don’t know why. It’s difficult to explain but I feel like my current self is going to disappear. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
I arrive in front of the window. The man follows me from behind. However, that’s all he does. I guess he’s going to tell me if I stand in front of the wrong window ,but he doesn’t do anything else. He doesn’t rush me either.
「What is the matter?」
The man calmly asked when he saw me slowly turning around.
「Nothing……」
It’s difficult to explain this feeling. Is this all really enough?
「Hold your wish strongly inside you. That is all I can say」
Yeah. I just have to go with it once I decide.
I took a deep breath. I don’t know whether there is air or not, but I did it anyway. Then I slap my cheeks with both hands. I brace myself and turn around once more.
「Goodbye then」
The man nodded without saying anything. I also look forward and take a step.
I cross over the line of the window frame. Even though the scenery hasn’t changed, I feel a stinging sensation on my skin. Even though I hadn’t jumped off yet. Sure enough, your existence starts to get stripped of little by little when you come to this side. Observing my left and right, there are countless purple shadows just like before, but they continue to shatter into tiny fragments as they rain down, falling lower and lower.
I looked forward. It felt like seeing the sun behind a cloudy sky. But everything is purple. I wonder what is beyond the sky? I feel like there is nothing there.
And then at my feet. I saw a dazzling light, but I couldn’t make out anything more detailed than that. If possible, I wish I could see what kind of world I’m going to jump into in advance, but, oh well, it can’t be helped.
Being too relaxed might not be a good idea. The silhouette of what makes me who I am quickly crumbles.
I made up my mind.
I bent my knees to prepare myself, and the next moment I stretched my whole body, and threw myself to the world spreading below. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
Previous Chapter - TOC - Next Chapter
TL Note :
- [断ち切る] Cut - sever, break off relationship
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