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The World After Death
……this is, I wonder where is this place?
A strange scene spread out before me. It’s an unbelievably wide great hall. The floor is polished and shining, and there’s not even a speck of dust on the floor. What’s projected on the floor is a world bathed in shades of purple. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
On one side of this spacious room are countless windows lined up. Measuring them by eye, I guess the size is so big that they can easily let a single person pass through. Perhaps, even larger creatures could pass without an issue. There are countless such windows, too many to count. And reflected on the floor of this spacious room is the color of the sky beyond the window. It was a shade of purple, making me uneasy.
Countless shadows were rushing towards those windows. They all have the same purple color but their silhouettes vary, from something similar to humans, rats, dogs, or even insects or plants. They were rushing one after another, throwing themselves with great force from the windows.
I followed where the source of the mass of purple color came from with my eyes back to the wall right behind me. Parallel to the horizontal rows of windows lined up, this too has no end in sight. The wall is pitch black, or rather it is a void of pure darkness. Just from its look, the wall that I had my back on was transparent glass, and on the other side of the wall was an abyss of total darkness world. The floor also cut off right at the start of the wall and even when I peered down, it was so dark I couldn’t tell how deep it was.
It was such a transparent wall but it seemed to be one-way. A purple shadow would suddenly rise from the darkness right at my feet, rising up with a faint flicker of motion. They don’t turn back, just continuing forward silently with hollow expressions. And then once again, they would fall down through one of the windows once they reach it. Taking a closer look, their silhouettes collapse as they fall and turn into grainy particles like sand in a sandbox.
Even so, they are surging toward the window in great numbers but strangely quiet. Experiencing neither hot nor cold. Pain or pleasure. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
So, what kind of figure would ‘I’ look like while looking at them?
……「me」?
Suddenly, I look at my own hands. They were purple. Just like a heat haze, the silhouette sometimes blurs. Looks like I’m wearing clothes. Until just now.....「until just now」?
My memories finally return at this moment. That’s right, I was sent flying by a truck.
I was walking back home on the last third of December, in Tokyo, Japan. I dropped the pocket watch from the flea market I bought the other day. And because of picking up my pocket watch, I didn’t realize the approaching truck.
Huh? That time, I’m sure the light was green. I also walked on the crosswalk, right? So that means, the truck back then ignored the traffic light as the driver fell asleep at the wheel or something?
Oh well, whatever. That aside, right now the problem is, where I am. I don’t remember I’ve ever heard or saw a place like this in my life. In the first place, why was I in a place like this even though I was sent flying by a truck? Wouldn’t I normally wake up on a bed in the hospital?
So.....that means, that’s how it is?
Maybe because I had been spacing out until now that my mind felt hazy as if covered in clouds, but I finally managed to see things clearly.
Who am I? Saeki You, 36 years old, single, male. I was a temporary worker who just got fired.
And then.....that 「me」 seems to have died. My face was hit by a large truck coming at me at high speed and didn’t brake. I didn’t even have time to feel pain, and I must have died instantly.
I started to get a little angry because of that. What was the driver thinking, driving recklessly like that?
But soon, that anger disappeared like mist. That’s right. To begin with, I had no reason left to live. I had no wife or children and both of my parents passed away before me. The only people left were my older brother who was in debt and my younger brother who was in jail. And there were no friends or acquaintances left with whom I had relationships. I was not doing a job that I love doing, nor did I have a hobby I was passionate about. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
In a sense, it was a natural destiny for me to die. The world after death is this quiet, and if I knew that there would be no pain or sorrow, I would have come here sooner. At any rate, my body was not in good condition. I have suffered from stomach ulcers more than once or twice due to stress from social interactions and my job. But if I’m here, I’m free from worries. If I must say something, I felt a slight feeling of anger that my life was over without many good things happening to me.
But, when I felt that, another part of me started to get angry.
My goodness. I thought that death would be the end, and that’s why I put up with my life each day trying to get past my hopeless life. But look at this scene now.
Countless shadows creep up from the darkness. Then they jumped through the windows over there. Could this possibly be.....a place for 「Reincarnation」? In other words, if I were to also walk towards those windows and jump from there, I would end up being reincarnated somewhere.
Don’t joke around! I finally died. I was afraid of dying when I was alive. And I would probably feel like that no matter how many times I was reincarnated. And when I’m afraid of dying, I would endure the pain of living every day. But look at that. I will be reincarnated even if I die. And the memory of my past life would most likely be erased.
I would make the same mistake, the same sufferings all over again, die again, and live again. I don’t want to do that!
I sat down on the spot with a thud. I’m not going to move even an inch. That’s what I decided.
If anyone wants to live again, they can do whatever they want. But, I’m done with that. Being born and living again, I don’t want to do that. I don’t care what the result will be. No matter how boring it is, I will stay here until I decay. Can I - who already died - die again? If that is possible I will stay here.
But still, this is such a boring place.
Ah, I see, watching the countless different shadows coming and going helps stave off boredom at first. But, this group of shadows, every single one of them has a blank look on their face, and all they do is move forward. They also don’t make a sound, just continuing to climb up silently. It was too monotonous. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
So, I called out a man-looking shadow who was about to pass in front of me.
「Oi! Hello? Hello? Ni hao!」
But, he still shows no sign of stopping, even when I called out to him. So I try to go past him and flail my arms and legs. However, the man still rushes forward without stopping.
I quickly protected my face with both of my hands. I felt a heavy sensation on the arms in front of my face. How should I put it.....it was like forcefully shoving my arms into a loosely packed sandbag.
Suddenly, I look around. The man was no longer in front of me. Looking back, I saw the remains of that man with part of his face missing and the color of his silhouette getting pale, but he continued to move forward without any change.
……did I, just do something bad to him?
My body feels blurry sometimes, but there is a sense of completeness inside me compared to before. I don’t know what it is, but in any case, I have a hunch that 「I took something away from that man」.
But, that man continued to move towards the window and fell. And his figure, just like the others, turns into grains of sand. So, whether I got in their way or not, there would eventually be no change in the final result.
Un, let’s just be practical about it.
There is no other entertainment in this place. Also, there are only dead creatures without ego in this place. So, it shouldn’t matter if I do whatever I like. By chance, I saw a beast that looks like a male lion approaching from the other side. Of course, he doesn’t have anything to do with me, just, simply walking toward the windows.
Yosh. This is where my punch came in.
I strongly hit my fist against the lion. It’s like hitting a sand castle, my arm easily drilled through the lion’s face. And once again, I felt a heavy sensation when hitting, as though it was a tightly packed sand. The lion didn’t resist even when I hit or kicked it, not even looking back. He ended up scattering as grains of sand across the window.
I looked and I saw a grain of rice floating in the air, without legs or anything. It’s like it was slowly drifting toward the windows. I try grabbing it with my hand. When I touched it with my hand, it left a slight impact and turned into fine dust. That dust continues to slowly drift toward the window.
This time, there was the figure of a young woman. She’s wearing a suit and a tight skirt.....could she be a college student job-hunting? How pitiful. However, this is a rare opportunity. I lied down at her feet. As expected, if you’re a man you should do this kind of thing at least once. But, just as I thought, she didn’t care about it at all even when I peeked inside her skirt.
So, I carefully reach out with my hand. As I put my hands together as if pulling a thin membrane, the back of the skirt alone crumbled apart and disintegrated into dust. While chasing after her like that, I slowly strip her clothes. I’ve already confirmed that their body will crumble if I stick my hand too deep.
As a result, a captivating figure that was pleasing to the eyes appeared, but it meant nothing to the current me. There is no pain nor pleasure in this place. And there is hardly any desire. I see, I certainly understand sexual desire in terms of knowledge, but there’s no such thing as a body in this place to reduce that desire so it’s natural. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
Nevertheless, I’m also an awful person when I calm down and carefully think about it. Looking at the naked body of a woman who unfortunately passed away at a young age....well, the person herself didn’t realize it and there’s no point in worrying about it.
In the meantime, the woman also disappeared beyond the window.
It’s a little scary, but I wonder what it looks like on the other side of the window?
I stood close by the window and first touched the window frame. Un, this is fine. I don’t want to get pushed by the other purple shadowy figures and inadvertently fall off. In that aspect, it seems like I’m going to be able to grab the floor and the wall.
I lightly moved my line of sight below while putting both of my hands on the window frame from behind. In contrast to the cliff on the other side, there was a dazzling, warm light that could be seen from far below.
I want to look a little more, so I stretched my neck a little trying to see a bit more.....but, that ‘a bit more’ felt dangerous. There is a small amount of space to stand on the other side of the window frame, but it appears that even if you don’t fall down, once your body leaves the window, it will immediately start to collapse. This is going to make it difficult for me to casually observe the world below.
Now then, there’s nothing left to do. And unfortunately, I’m not feeling sleepy either. I have no desire, nothing to wish more and if I could just lie on the ground in this languid state for eternity, I wouldn’t need anything else but, for some reason, my consciousness has become pointlessly clear.
And so I sit there.....how long was it, no, how many days has it been? Before I died, I should have picked up my pocket watch but, where did it go? But even if I have it in my hand, there’s the chance that it won’t work. I wonder how much time has passed since then? So boring. Nah, it’s more than just boredom, I want some excitement.
But, when it comes to the sole excitement in this place, there are only the purple shadows moving in a straight line. I headed toward those groups and dived with all my might. I slammed my fist and delivered kicks to them. I scattered countless sand just like children playing in the sand.
It was a waste. But on the contrary, it feels like.....I don’t know, it’s as if my body has become denser or as if my head was packed with something.....the hazy feeling I had when I first came to this place is starting to fade away.
I gave up.
In any case, let’s not do anything.
It was the moment when I thought like that and sat down. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
「……you…are.....still conscious……?」
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