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Days Full Of Affection
Looking back, modern Japan’s house has a clean impression and actually hygienic. The glass windows created a space separate from the outside world while still allowing the room to be bright. There are probably all sorts of materials for the wall but wallpapers are always used so it looks well-ordered and pretty. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
So how about this place? There is only a single small window, but it’s left open even now. It’s almost the time of the year for mosquitoes to start appearing. I actually want to close it, but it’s just simply impossible as I my hands can’t reach it.
And, this is a house at the edge of a farming village. There is a small forest just right nearby and so there are countless insects that come flying in. Even now, there is an insect that looked like a cockroach on the wall, staying there without moving. I mean, it’s not very noticeable since it blends in with the color of the wall’s wood, but that, that’s definitely a cockroach.
But right now, I don’t have the power to change this situation. To begin with, that is not even the time to do that.
It seems like it’s been a year since I was born in this world. I wasn’t counting each and every day that passed though. There are two things that gave me a clue for that. First, the growing wheat’s appearance.
The other one, is my birthday. Though I said it was my birthday, it wasn’t celebrated or anything.
There was a festival in the village a while ago. Though I don’t really understand what the festival was about. Everyone went to pray at a small shrine during the day. And it seems like there a bonfire in the middle of the village’s square where everyone had a feast together. As for the one-year-old me, I was carried and participated in the beginning of the feast and after that I was left to stay at home.
And five days after that festival, the three women from before visited our house together. The eldest, an old woman among them, gave a long sermon while holding a hair ornament made of wooden material. I didn’t really understand the meaning of her sermon but occasionally she shouted while pointing at me. Then, the old woman puts the hair ornament in my mother’s hair. After that, the two other women standing behind her handed her a broom and a kitchen knife. Then they walked to the exit of the house, bowed to us, and left.
At first, I thought they were having arguments with my mother, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. The relationship between my mother and them had always been cold from the start, and even at the last moment of their parting, there was no atmosphere of them having arguments. The old woman’s words sounded insistent, but if I had to say, it was the tone of someone explaining something. As for the hair ornament, or the broom and kitchen knife, the two other women gave us with their gestures, there was something ceremonial in that. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
Since then, those women have never visited this house even once. Instead, I seems to have been given a name. My mother and my father will say 「Fals(ファルス)」 whenever they see me. Even the visitors who rarely came to our house called me that name so that is probably my name.
In short, that’s how it is. The women who supported my mother during the difficult time after childbirth handed back the authority of the household to her after she made it through the year. The infant who could die any moment has grown big enough that he seems to be able to stand and walk now. Although the child is still weak that it’s not strange that he could die any moment, he has escaped from a critical situation for now. And so they gave the child a formal name.
Incidentally, my growth rate at one year old was actually not very good. In fact, I still can’t stand or walk properly.
At least, I haven’t eaten enough. As a matter of fact, there is a most pressing issue at hand, that. It’s unavoidable since I was born into a poor farming village, but that is not the only reason.
First of all, the problem I must mention is my mother. In just a year, she had completely abandoned her sense of responsibility as a mother. She left the house alone without leaving any food behind. And rather than doing farmwork, she simply wandered around to play.
Wandering around to play? How is it possible to make such a deduction when I’m still a poorly developed 1-year-old who can hardly even go out? No, it’s not a deduction or a guess. I hardly ever leave the house, but I know full well what happened inside this house. To sum up….
I heard footsteps. I’m not alone. And again
Light footsteps followed by heavy footsteps. There are two, a man and a woman. One of them is my mother, while the other one is a young man from the village. They start to whisper to each other as soon as they enter the house. On her part, she was smiling broadly. The man also has a lewd look on his face, looking forward to what’s to come. In a rural village where there is no entertainment, even the courses of activities for dating couples are limited. The two of them didn’t waste any time and headed straight to the bedroom.
This often happens, and moreover, her partner changes frequently to the point that at first, I thought this was her job. That’s because, apparently, my house is located at the edge of the villagee and both of my parents seem to be outcasts in the village. To make matters worse, when it comes to her husband, he is an outrageous drunkard. It’s difficult for a woman to manage everything from raising her children to paying for living expenses with a woman’s slender means.....so, I could understand that prostitution was unavoidable. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
However, that doesn’t seem to be the case. Originally, they just tried to get rid of the troublesome middle-aged man who gets violent when drunk with the village’s number one bitch - which is mother - and paired them together. As proof of that, both of my parents received a kind of support.....which was a kind of rein for them.....from their parent’s house and siblings.....and previously, there was a time when my father returned just after my mother brought back a man as usual, which caused quite the big fuss. Perhaps she received some benefits from her sexual relationships but it probably didn’t add to the family’s finances.
That’s why, I am currently being neglected. I can hear a flirtatious voice coming from the door. Also, the creaking sounds of the worn-out bed. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do it, but at least give me a small piece of food to eat.
In my previous life, I was never blessed with a relationship with the opposite sex. I am still 1 year old, but will I become popular with women in the future? It will still take some time for this small body to experience pleasure, but precisely because I understand it from my knowledge, it makes my frustration even stronger.
But, whether it’s my frustration or whatnot, this was not the time and place to say such an easygoing thing.
I couldn’t help but look at the shadow of a large man. What are you doing here, not working when it’s broad daylight?
The person who showed up unexpectedly was my father. Wearing shabby outerwear, with unkempt hair and an unshaven face. Even though he has a slovenly air about him, only his eyes are sharp and determined. It looks like he already realized what exactly going on the moment he came here after passing through the door that was left open.
It was terrible at first when he caught her cheating on him. He went on a rampage indiscriminately. He beat his wife so badly that he almost killed her. The lover somehow managed to sneak away and call for help, so he was held down by the villagers in the end. And it seems like he was warned not to act violently anymore.
However, he was cheated on by his wife right in front of his eyes. In this kind of situation, he should have the moral advantage but he’s a hooligan to begin with and a lazy person so there was no one in the village who took his side. The men might possibly be biased in their judgment because they don’t want to give up their rights to enjoy his wife.
So, despite his wretched situation, he could only glare at the bedroom’s direction. And there’s me, who can’t move at all while staring at him.
The best scenario to me right now is for him to silently take some money or liquor from the kitchen and leave. And in such cases, even my mother would feel obliged to let him do that not won’t harshly criticize him for it. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
But, this time, it seems like I was a little unlucky.
My eyes met his. I flailed my arms and legs trying to escape, but it was too late. He crouched down in front of me and began to speak to me about something, although his tone was gentle. I don’t really understand what he was saying, but it was probably something incredibly foul. Judging from his expression and the nuance, I could guess it somehow.
I was so terrified I couldn’t say anything as he grabbed the scruff of my outerwear and raised my body. It’s pointless to scream. My mother is currently screaming loudly so I don’t think she will notice a small scream. And even if she notices she won’t be able to do anything.
He quickly carried me away as he raised me up with one hand. Passing through the front door and walking around to the back of the house. That means, yeah, that’s where we’re going.
There is a water jug at the back of the house on the opposite side to the bedroom. Water is something important for daily life, whether for coking or washing. But this is a world where there is no tap water. We drew water from the nearby river, but it was such a large water jug.
The man lightly lifted up the wooden cover. And then, he put his large hands on both sides of my body. Now, there was no hope I could escape, no matter how much I struggled.
He brought my head closer to the water jug. The water surface is transparent, without a single ripple. So I could clearly see my face. It was the face of a plump infant.
I take a slow, deep breath, quietly so it won’t get noticed. But before I could inhale air, my head was thrust into the water.
At first, there was often direct violence. He would stab my skin with a pointed part of a splintered branch or press red-hot stones into my skin. However, such cruelty that leaves external wounds was immediately discovered. And as expected, even he realized that he should refrain himself to continue doing such acts that would worsen his situation.
So this is it. Wet clothes will eventually dry after all. And since I’m a 1-year-old infant, I can’t speak to anyone. In other words, he enjoys seeing me struggle in the water right up to the brink of death. It’s quite a good hobby.
In short, this man has no courage to kill me. I already know that, but still, the possibility is there. And I always try to put on a decent act each time, without overdoing it. In other words, I acted as if I were choking and was about to drown.
Would it really be fine to entertain him like that, you ask? Since he got a kind of ‘reward’ for his abusive actions, he would probably return to torment again. However, that’s precisely because of that, if I got used to his abuse and didn’t show any reaction whatsoever, it might just provoke him to do more. At that time, it will all be too late.
And after several rounds of diving practice, I was finally pulled out. At that time - with water dripping onto the water's surface, I saw the reflection of my face. And, I could confirm my own face whether I liked it or not. The reason why I was being abused by this man. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
I have black hair.
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