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By the time I got home, the sun had completely set. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
My parents are shutting themselves in their own room still. The two of them have been pretty murderous lately. They occupy a room in the house and pile up stuff in front of the exit and entrance so it won’t be easy to enter and exit the place. In addition, they also carry a knife or a hatchet when they sleep. And if you try to take any food forcibly from them, you won’t be able to get off scot-free.
In that situation, they won’t look at me even when I cry and scream. I know. I know that. But, the reason I return home is only as a way to appeal that I continue a begging lifestyle.
I things were this bad, wouldn’t it be better to leave the village? Of course, I thought about that at one point. The reason why I haven’t taken action and moved from this place is that I thought there was a low possibility I could survive by doing that.
The places around the village are places only inhabited by humans, so there are almost no encounters with dangerous animals. Even the reason my secret base was functional was that it was not too far from the village. However, what happens when you leave the village? There must be a fierce animal that dominates at the peak of each of their ecosystem in every environment. And if this body had grown to be 5 or 10 years old, then this body would surely have grown big and would have been able to fight back to some extent. But I am only 2 years old. Just being chased by a stray dog is a life-threatening matter for this body.
Of course, as the famine progressed, it couldn’t be denied that the village itself would become a dangerous zone. But, at least, as long as my parents are still carefully guarding their food, can’t it still be considered safe? If even that was no more....what should I do next? Maybe I might even become a bandit and attack nearby villages. Even in that situation, a child with no money or food would just end up being abandoned.
I finally reached in front of my house as I was thinking all sorts of things.
「I’m home」
Straining my voice, I announced my return so it could be heard throughout the entire house. All that’s left is to occupy a room my parents don’t use and sleep until morning.
The moment I calmly stepped inside while thinking like that, I saw a light flickering from inside the house. Someone turns on the light? At this time? www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
「Fals!?」
My mother greeted me with a surprised expression on her face when I returned home. She ran up to me and stared fixedly at my face. After that, she started talking about something nonstop. I didn’t make out what she said clearly, but the content was roughly like this.....where have you been, your father has been looking all over for you, stay here tonight.....
What’s the matter with her all of a sudden? She suddenly started talking like a normal parent. I wonder if she ate something strange. Maybe a parasite took hold of her brain? Just when I tilted my head in confusion, I heard the sound of a footstep before long and saw my father return.
My father looked slightly dirty at a glance. With barely enough to eat and having been drowning in alcohol, without working much before, the muscles that I’d seen the first time I saw him had withered away beyond recognition. Originally, he always gave the impression of being around 40 years old and had an aged appearance, but he seems to have suddenly grown older.
The time he stepped into the room, he looked awfully menacing due to the lighting, but then he immediately grinned. Then he spoke to me with a gentle voice I’ve never heard before.
My father reached out his hand. I stiffened with a start, being held. But, maybe it’s because it’s in front of my mother since there was no more abuse that would normally follow. My mother - who had been sitting down - headed to the kitchen. Kitchen? Up until now, there have been a few times when she has served me food.
My father’s arms tightly held me. I can’t remember the last time I felt the warmth of human skin. I wonder what happened that made them finally recognize me as their child now? Although I’m suspicious, deep down I realized that some part of me that has been dried up for a long time is screaming. My desire to soak in this feeling and situation won over my suspicions.
After a short while, my mother briskly returned from the kitchen. In her hand is a soup bowl with wheat porridge inside. Although it wasn’t much, diluted and almost just water. But in this situation, it could be said to be a feast among feasts. Just, what’s going on?
Just when my eyes were opened wide at this, she picked up a spoon and tried to feed me. I couldn’t find any reason to explain this situation in my mind. What should I do? Should I not eat it? But it’s unnatural. That is to say, with my parents starving this much, there’s no way I wouldn’t need food as well. So, I have no choice but to eat this. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
While I hesitated, the spoon was already shoved into my mouth. What to do? What to do?
But once I took a bite, there was no way to resist it. It’s warm, normal food. It’s not those disgusting insects. It’s thin porridge. It had never tasted so good.
It’s fine, I’m sure it’s fine. Since I have nothing. At first, I couldn’t help but wonder if there was poison in this, but there was no advantage in doing that. If you want to kill a 2-year-old child, you can just do it by hitting with the physical strength of an adult. Would they use poison with their precious porridge just to trick me? So, this porridge is probably safe.
If so, then why did they become so kind to me so suddenly? .....there is only one reason I could think of. My parents are planning on leaving the village. But, they can’t take a burdensome 2-year-old kid with them. That’s why, on their last night, they wanted to be kind to their child.
It’s just hypocrisy and self-deception. I know. But, given the wretched condition. How could I blame them? They are just trying to live the best they can. Also, can it really be said to be a hypocrisy? Even though it was to their own self-satisfaction, they actually shared their precious food with me. Even this one bite, if they don’t share it with me, they could just eat it themselves. Although the two of them barely showed me any affection, I am still glad it was not zero.
……somehow, I feel like this is the first time I've experienced humans’ warmth ever since I arrived in this world. The tension that had been building up for a little over 2 years suddenly seems to be unraveling. I feel like drowsiness is slowly weighing down on me. I would always sleep in my secret base while being nervous of every sound in the surroundings, I’m so tired.....
I was awakened by the sound of something rubbing against something else. It’s something hard like stone but mixed with water, repeating itself.....memories of my previous life. That’s right, this is the sound of a knife being sharpened. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
I open my eyes. It was still dark. I am lying on the wooden floor. It must be even darker since we are inside a building with no lighting. There is a sharp smell that stings my nose. This is a livestock.....a cattle shed. Naturally, there are no signs of any cows at present. However, we didn’t have a cattle shed. That means I was taken to someone else’s house in the village?
I decide to get up for the time being. I place my hands on the floor and raise my upper body....e, ehh?
My hand feels numb. It’s not like I can’t move at all, but the numbness is really severe. It feels like when you sleep for the whole night using you arm as a pillow, it feels really cold and I can’t put strength into it.
And it was not just my arms. My legs, too, no, my whole body is in this condition. Only my consciousness is relatively clear, but my body couldn’t keep up.
I raised only my neck somehow and looked around toward the exit, the only place faintly illuminated by the night’s light. I don’t know whose house this is. But, just outside of this building and close to the wall, someone is sharpening a knife.
What for? The one that was here was a draft ox for plowing fields. There were a lot of unused farming tools tossed here and there were probably no beef cattle breeders in this village to begin with. Whatever the case, there is no ox now. They have probably been eaten a long time ago. So that means.
With the thought of ‘No way’, a growing sense of impending crisis that suddenly wells up inside me, I desperately flailed my arms and legs. It was useless. I can’t put any strength into my body. Perhaps the person outside noticed the sounds as a man stuck only his head from the exit and looked inside.
In short, this is ‘that’.
Right now, I, am, going to be killed and eaten.
At that moment, both of my parents were not being hypocritical when they fed me thin wheat porridge. There was a rational meaning behind that action. There was a small anesthetic inside the porridge. And for better or worse, I regained consciousness right before it happened, but right now, I can’t put strength in my body. There’s absolutely no way I could escape from the man sharpening a knife at the exit.
Still, they feel reluctant to kill their own child. But, if it’s a child from another place you don’t know about, you can kill and eat them. Even back in Japan, a very long time ago, there seems to be such an exchange of children and cannibalism. No, it is probably a practice that existed all over the world. In times of crisis, the first people to be abandoned are the elderly and children.
I was naive. I had anticipated the worst-case scenario, but it wasn’t like that at all. I don’t have anything? No, there is still this body, isn’t it? Why couldn’t I think that far? I was the idiot, for even trying - even for a moment - to find something like love from my parents.
But why? What happened to the village chief’s plan? If they exchanged the villagers' assets for food and sold the daughters, wouldn’t the situation have turned out at least a little better?
Suddenly, a shadow flickers outside. I can hear the sound of pebbles being kicked. For a moment, it became dark inside the cattle shed. A man with a large build stood in the exit.
There was not even enough time left to think. www.ihavesinnedtranslation.com
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